Code of Conduct
By your third meeting, we ask that you carefully read this document and fill out the quiz (found in new member forms). This is required from all members to ensure that everyone has read the code and understands it.
General Conduct
The rules of this group were developed for the purpose of keeping everyone safe and comfortable. This code of conduct was based on a collaborative group discussion. The original version of the code was agreed upon by the members. Updates have been/will be agreed upon by members as needed. The code of conduct was last updated on 3/11/2025.
Step up/step back:
If you are talking a lot during a meetup, consider giving more time to others who may want to speak.
If you aren't talking, feel free to join in if you want! Your perspective on the topic is valuable and we want to hear from everyone who wants to contribute.
Stay on topic during important discussions.
Try to limit tangents while we are making plans or decisions.
Everyone can pitch in and keep each other accountable - if we're way off the topic, say something!
During important meetings where the group will be making decisions, we utilize the stacking method to stay on track and accommodate members who benefit from knowing when they are supposed to speak.
To apply the stacking method, use the “raise hand” button. People will be called on to speak in the order that they raised their hand. Don't worry, we’ll review how to stack at the beginning of business meetings!
Autism is not an excuse for being disrespectful or unkind.
If you don't understand why something you said was hurtful, ask a moderator for help. We all have different support needs and we are all learning.
Instead of “I can't help it,” think “I need help.”
Bullying will not be tolerated.
Sexual harassment will not be tolerated.
Bigotry, discrimination, and/or hate speech will not be tolerated in any capacity. This includes, but is not limited to the following categories.
Ableism
Classism
Homophobia
Queerphobia
Racism
Religious discrimination
Sexism
Transphobia
Xenophobia
Respect and use preferred pronouns.
If you don't know, you may ask “What are your pronouns?”
Mistakes are okay; refusing to try is not!
Politics and current events are acceptable topics. However, discussion should be relevant to autism, disabilities, and intersectionality.
Self-advocacy:
State your boundaries.
If someone violates a boundary, bring it up with them.* If they continue to violate your boundary, notify an executive council member.
If someone is being bigoted (see “bigotry will not be tolerated”), you may notify an executive council member immediately at your own discretion.
*If you struggle with setting boundaries and assertiveness, ask a co-advocate for support.
Rules regarding boundaries and privacy apply to both group time and private interactions between members.
Co-advocates: These are peers who can help you advocate for yourself if you struggle with setting boundaries and being assertive (people-pleasing, etc.). If someone is violating your boundary and you don't know how to address it with them directly, a co-advocate can coach you, offer moral support, and even be present for the conversation if desired. The list of co-advocates is available in the Discord contact list channel.
*Co-advocates are a WIP. We would love volunteers!
Boundaries
As autists, we all struggle with the social contract sometimes. We all have different learning speeds when it comes to interpersonal skills. Implicit boundaries can be difficult. This section aims to make boundaries as explicit as possible.
Hard boundaries: Assume that these boundaries apply to everyone at all times (a) within the group setting and (b) outside of the group setting in absence of a very close personal friendship.
We do not give opinions on others’ body shape or size. This includes compliments, as compliments can sometimes be an unintentional trigger.
Eating disorders are extremely common in the autistic community.
We do not ask personal questions about each other's sex lives. We do not bring up explicitly sexual topics, such as the details of our own sex lives or desires.
Although this may be fine in the context of a close personal friendship, it's best practice to ask if your friend is open to discussing the topic with you.
Soft boundaries: These boundaries can be more ambiguous. Sometimes you can ask people questions about these topics, but other times questions can make them uncomfortable, even if they brought up the topic first! This is not a complete list! If you know that many people are sensitive about a topic, it is a soft boundary.
Diets and weight loss
Physical health, especially relating to the gastrointestinal system and reproductive organs
Pregnancy and infertility
Why someone doesn't have children
Childhood trauma
Sexual abuse and assault
Gender-affirming medications and surgeries
Mental health disorders
Self-harm
When in doubt, ask consent first. Here are some examples of respectful wording.
“Is it okay if I ask you a question about your experience growing up with an abusive parent?”
“When you said that it's stressful when people talk about losing weight at New Year's, I didn't understand. Can you explain that?
If someone says they don't want to talk about it, be respectful and stop asking questions.
Privacy
What you learn about others in the group stays in the group.
This helps everyone feel safe. It also keeps people safe!
We do not disclose the following topics to anyone outside the group without consent:
Immigration status
Gender identity
Sexual orientation
Healthcare decisions, especially reproductive healthcare and gender-affirming healthcare
A group member is the victim of intimate partner/domestic abuse
All members are adults and have the right to choose their own path out of their relationship, on their own time.
Disability status (including autism)
Anything else that could make someone vulnerable
Even if someone is breaking a law (undocumented immigrant, etc.), it is not your place to report it to authorities, provided that the individual is not hurting themselves or others.
If someone shares with you one-on-one about one of those topics, do not share it with other group members without consent.
Disclosure includes talking about these things in front of others, even if you are not talking to them directly.
There is an exception to asking consent: when someone is thinking about harming themself or harming someone else, you may need support.
Consider directing them to our crisis resource list (Discord channel).
Consider asking an organizer to contact their support person, if that person has shared support person contact info with the organizers.
In an immediate life-threatening emergency (e.g. someone has made a plan to commit suicide), call 911.
Discord Conduct
The entire code of conduct applies to the Discord server too.
Discord’s own rules and regulations also apply.
Do not block or ignore admins.
Do not start or engage in arguments through the Discord channels.
If a member is violating the code of conduct or saying something to make you uncomfortable/violating a boundary, disengage from the conversation. If it is a serious matter, contact an admin.
To the best of your ability, avoid posting inflammatory content. What is “inflammatory” may be subjective, so when in doubt, ask an admin, or don’t post it.
Do not post sexually explicit material.
Keep it PG-13.
This includes images, videos, text, and voice/sound.
Don't post links to this material either.
When in doubt, don't post it.
Rules apply in DMs with other group members, not just in server channels.
Members may be placed on time-out at administrators’ discretion.
Adherence
Violation of the code of conduct may result in time-out from Discord, being placed on probation for all group activities, being suspended from all group activities, and being banned from membership.
At this time, consequences will be at the executive council’s discretion. In the near future, we will work on standardizing penalties in the interest of fairness and transparency.